


Here Too Soon

by neapeaikea



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, M/M, Past Nathan Miller/Bryan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 16:35:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21274310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neapeaikea/pseuds/neapeaikea
Summary: Miller works as a security guard at a hospital. A new doctor in the ER catches his eye, but is he ready to move on from his previous relationship?





	Here Too Soon

**Author's Note:**

> Here, have some unexpected Mackson AU fic! I wrote the bulk of this well over a year ago, and decided to whip it into shape after plowing through season 6 and actually quite liking it. Though I'm still not sure I managed to get any supposed conflict into this. I suck at writing dramatic reasons to keep two people apart! But I hope some will still appreciate the story. Feedback is lovingly drooled on!

Miller went to work feeling like he’d been beaten up and left to bleed out. It was really over. He and Bryan were no more. It made his head spin and his heart ache just thinking about it, and a part of him wanted to run back and plead with Bryan. But the rational part of him, the part that had been feeling lost at sea for weeks, if not months, knew there was no point. He loved Bryan, would always care for him, but they weren’t the same people they’d been three years ago when they first met. Too much had happened, both good and bad, and they’d grown up and grown apart. It was no one’s fault, not really. They disagreed on too many things now. When Bryan had started pulling away, Miller had chased after him at first, but Bryan had only raced further away.

Miller took his car to work. He’d offered to let Bryan have it for the day, but Bryan was getting a friend to help him move all his stuff. When Miller got off shift, he was going home to an empty apartment. Not wanting to think about that, he turned the radio on but quickly got sick of the people laughing and screaming on the morning show and turned it back off.

At least he was working a day shift. If he was on a night shift, he’d probably end up knocking out some poor drug addict for just looking at him wrong. Working as a security guard at a hospital was hardly the stuff of dreams, but shit could get intense in the E.R. at night, and it kept Miller on his toes. 

After a forty minute drive, ten minutes longer than usual thanks to hitting what seemed like every red light in the commonwealth of Virginia, he was parked and ready to head in. But he sat in his car, blankly staring ahead. Loving Bryan, protecting him, was such an integral part of who he was, he didn’t know how he was supposed to stop. It frightened him that he’d already started to care a little less than he did the day before. Bryan was a troubled soul, and Miller had loved taking care of him. That had been part of their problem, Miller too locked into his role that he didn’t see how Bryan had come into his own, had grown stronger both physically and mentally than when they’d met. Bryan was much more capable of taking care of himself these days, and where did that leave Miller? 

“Hey!”

Miller came back to the present with a start, glaring up at his partner for the week, Bellamy Blake. “The fuck, dude?”

Bellamy rose up off the hood of the car, which he’d slammed himself down on to scare the shit out of Miller. “Come on, man. Duty calls.”

Miller got out of the car and greeted Bellamy with their own handshake, a quick slap of index and fore fingers. They walked side by side to the main entrance of Arkadia County Hospital, their place of employment for the past three years. Miller’s dad owned the security guard company that handled the hospital’s security, and since Miller hadn’t exactly excelled at school, he was on the old man’s payroll. 

“How’d it go with Bryan last night?” Bellamy asked.

Miller sighed, “He’s moving out today.”

“Fuck, man,” Bellamy put a hand on Miller’s arm, making them stop in the middle of the parking lot, “Seriously? That sucks. Sorry, man.”

“Yeah,” Miller looked down at the ground, avoiding his friend’s gaze. It also gave him a moment to make sure he wouldn’t cry. “It sucks. But we’re not happy, you know?”

“I know. But you’re… you’re _you_. The two of you against the world.” 

Miller snorted, “Apparently he can take it on on his own now.”

They started walking again, but Miller could feel the glances Bellamy threw him, “He’s moving out?”

“Yeah. I told him he didn’t have to right away, but he said it was for the best, that we’d only hurt more… I don’t know. I know he’s right, that we’re not right for each other anymore. I just, I love him, you know?”

“Yeah.” Bellamy squeezed his shoulder as they walked into the hospital, “I got your back, man.”

“No doubt.” Miller agreed, leading the way to their changing room.

**

Arkadia County Hospital was both a research and general admission hospital, meaning there were fancy doctors in pristine white coats that never went near patients, while other doctors were covered in blood on a nightly basis as they performed emergency surgeries on gunshot wounds, and nurses avoided vomit as drunks were shipped in off the streets. 

Bellamy and Miller usually worked their way through the hospital by alternating wards and changing off being alone with surveying certain areas together. It worked well, and Bellamy was Miller’s favorite partner, now that Harper and Monty had gotten their shit together. 

Miller had been distracted through most of his shift, pondering the pros and cons of getting a new apartment, or what would happen if Bryan was still there when he came home. He had made peace with the idea of giving up on their love, was even sort of relieved the uncertainty was over.

“Big news.” Bellamy said as they met up in the corridor outside the largest operating rooms.

“Really? You had some action? I’ve seen absolutely nothing all day. A couple making out is the biggest disturbance I’ve had all day.”

“Nah,” Bellamy shook his head, “None of that. Better news. A new doctor.”

Miller raised an eyebrow, interest piqued. Even though Arkadia was a big place with many employees, it seemed like everybody knew everybody and new blood was always welcomed into the gossip mill. 

“Eric Jackson. He looks like a researcher, but he was doing walk-ins in the E.R. all morning. Apparently he’s a former student of Dr. Griffin’s.”

“Hmm.”

“He wasn’t too bad to look at.”

Miller gave Bellamy more than an eyebrow at that, offering him what could only be called ‘a look’. “How would you know that? And why would you tell me that?”

“I can find men attractive.” Bellamy protested.

“Sure.” Miller rolled his eyes. 

“And I’m telling you because if you’re gonna mope, you might as well do it with some eye candy in front of you.”

“How is Clarke these days, anyway?” Miller asked, taking great joy in the blush on his partner’s cheeks.

“Fuck you.”

Miller laughed loudly, “No closer to asking her out then?”

They teased and joked with each other all the way to the E.R., happy to help the few people who asked for directions and keeping an eye for potential threats. It was full moon week, and strangely enough, those weeks brought out the crazies. 

In the E.R., Bellamy took a lap clockwise, while Miller walked counter clockwise. He nodded at the doctors and nurses he recognized, like Clarke and Jasper. He was halfway through his lap when he saw a new employee, one who wasn’t wearing a white coat but had blue scrubs on, currently listening to the heart of an elderly woman. He was sitting with his back to Miller, and while he didn’t have the broadest shoulders Miller had ever seen, they fit perfectly with the rest of him. His built back narrowed down to what looked like a nice ass, one that was put on display when the doctor rose up from his stool to talk to his patient. There was no doubt in Miller’s mind that this was the Dr. Jackson that Bellamy had mentioned.

Miller kept his eye on the doctor as he continued his lap, and was pleased that the change in angle allowed him to see the newcomer from the front. He was definitely pretty to look at, a warm appearance that was made sweeter by the half-smile he offered the old lady. His skin color spoke of Indian or maybe Middle Eastern roots, and Miller noted callously he had neither of those on his list of fucks from around the world. Jackson’s hair was unruly at the very front, like he often touched it during the day, but the rest of him looked very well put-together. Miller knew enough doctors to know most of them were messes when it came to their personal organization, be it feeding themselves or finding clean clothes. The fact that this guy didn’t look dead on his feet or in need of a cup of joe, could only mean that he was new to the hospital.

“Saw that you noticed the newbie.” Bellamy said, when they met up again after finishing their laps. 

“Hmm?” Miller was distracted by the middle-aged man heading Clarke’s way on the other side of the room.

“The new doc. Jackson. Hey, do you see–” Bellamy’s attention turned to the loud conversation Clarke was drawn into.

“Yeah, let’s go.” Miller said, and they set off at a brisk pace, which turned into a sprint when the man grabbed Clarke’s wrist. 

Bellamy got there first, shoving the man away before getting Clarke behind him.

“It’s okay, it’s okay!” Clarke insisted.

“Like hell it is.” Miller muttered, grabbing the man and shoving him down on an empty cot, “Sir, do not struggle.”

“I have a right to know what’s taking my wife so long!” The man yelled.

“Sir, that right does not include assaulting our doctors.” Miller said, voice eerily calm and strong. 

“I didn’t–”

“Sir, I’m going to escort you outside and then we can talk, agreed?”

“I just wanna know what’s happening with my wife!”

Miller dragged the man back up, but seeing that Bellamy was arguing with Clarke, he hesitated.

“I’ll help you out.” Jackson said, appearing at Miller’s side.

“Thanks.” Miller nodded, and the two of them escorted the upset man outside. He was an easy one, already much calmer and not resisting the grip Miller had on his arm. By the time they were walking out of the emergency intake, Miller’s dad was there. He indicated for Jackson to back off, and then led the conversation with the man while Miller stood in the background looking menacing. 

Miller hated working with his dad sometimes, but at the same time he was too lazy to do anything about it. His dad often showed up and took over through sheer rank, which meant that Miller never got to exercise the responsibility he supposedly had as a team leader. Miller often felt like he wasn’t trusted enough to handle certain situations, which led to a feeling of being stuck, both in his life and his career. Maybe with Bryan gone things would be different, he’d at least be forced to change some things in his personal life.

It took a good twenty minutes of conversation, which included tears and a few moments of Miller’s dad acting as a psychologist, but eventually the man calmed down enough to be allowed back inside. 

“You’ll be allowed in the waiting area if you stay away from the doctors until they approach you with news. There will be a guard in the area, and if you do not adhere to our agreement, you will be thrown out and not allowed back in, and that won’t help your wife at all. Sound alright, sir?” Miller’s dad had a knack for being nice in his toughness. 

“Yeah.” The man looked up at Miller. “Sorry.”

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.” Miller pointed out, before escorting the man back inside. Miller took up post where the waiting area opened up into the treatment area, nodding at his dad in understanding of what his role was for the remainder of the man’s stay at the hospital. 

The incident put Miller on edge, meaning he did a visual assessment of every person in the waiting room, determining if they could be the next to flip out or if they could be carrying things that were not allowed inside the hospital walls. Bellamy was nowhere to be seen but Clarke was still there, so she probably won the argument this time. 

After a little while, he heard someone clearing their throat behind him. He looked over his shoulder and immediately straightened, “Uh, hi.”

“Hi. Just wanted to check everything’s okay.” 

“Yeah, uh, yeah. Thanks for the help back there, you really didn’t need to do that. Us guards are here for a reason.” Miller said. “But uh, I’m Miller. Nate. Most people call me Miller. You’re new, yeah?”

“Yeah, Eric Jackson. Most people call me Jackson.” Jackson held his hand out, and Miller shook it. “First day in the E.R.”

“It’s not always like this, not during day shifts anyway. At night there’s a lot of stupidity. Mostly drunks, but still.”

“That’s good to know.” Jackson looked away as someone called his name.

“You ever need help, just buzz for security.” Miller said as Jackson took a step back, and they shared an awkward wave and nod combination as they parted.

Miller shook his head at himself, ‘_buzz for security’, seriously Miller?_

**

It was weird to come home and find Bryan’s things gone. The first night sucked like hell, and the second wasn’t that much easier, but with time and some night shifts at the hospital, Miller got used to it. He still bought Bryan’s cereals and favorite beer, but as the weeks passed he started catching himself before he put the items in his shopping basket. 

But he couldn’t deny that even from that very first day of Bryan not being there anymore, some part of him felt like things were easier. He wasn’t constantly ready for a fight, or hoping to say all the right things. He could just _be_, whether it was tired, happy or bored. He didn’t have to make his mood fit Bryan’s, and that was a weight off his shoulders. 

Work was the same as always, Bellamy and Clarke at each other’s throats, Abby and Kane arguing over ethics protocol in the research department, Harper finding new ways to braid her hair. The only thing that was different was Jackson. 

He wasn’t taking up a lot of space, being a quiet type until asked a question, and friendly to everyone who crossed his path. He seemed to get on with most people, though Miller most often saw him with was Abby. Miller always got a ‘hello’ or a ‘any unruly patients today?’ from Jackson, a quick show of concern that did nothing to topple Jackson from the top of Miller’s favorite doctors list, where he’d been since the day he came to Arkadia. 

Bellamy and Harper always nudged him knowingly whenever Jackson was in the vicinity, proving just how unsubtle they were. Thankfully Jackson seemed oblivious to their antics, always coming over with a smile if they were in the cafeteria at the same time. Miller found himself fighting back grins, especially if the only empty seat was next to him and he got to bask in the understated beauty and wit that was Eric Jackson.

It was during one such cafeteria lunch that after-work drinks were decided on, and Miller tried to ignore the little look that Jackson sent him when Miller confirmed his attendance. If he spent the remainder of his shift trying to decide whether he should go home and change into nicer clothes, or if that was trying too hard, well, it didn’t distract him from stopping a woman stealing inhalers in the ICU.

**

A couple of hours later he was at home, deciding cologne _was_ too much. Miller had taken a shower, and he was already cutting it close to ‘too much’ by wearing a blue button down that Bryan had always said did wonders for his eyes.

Miller paused. He hadn’t thought about Bryan in days, maybe even weeks. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. Was he moving on too fast? Should he still be missing Bryan, instead of thinking about getting to second base with a hot doctor?He shook his head. All he was doing was dressing a little nicer, on the off-chance that someone might be interested in him. He might’ve read Jackson wrong, after all he never did share too much of himself. All he had to go off was knowing smiles and quiet conversation.

His phone dinged with a message from Bellamy that he was on his way. Miller stood up and decided for his own sanity’s sake that even if it was too soon to move on, he should listen to his feelings. Miller surprised even himself sometimes with how in tune with his emotions he was. 

**

The pit stop at home made him arrive at the bar a little later than most of the others from work, including Jackson. It was a pretty good showing, with doctors and nurses, as well as medical engineers from the research department. He saw Harper sitting with Monty, Raven was arguing with Jasper about something and Bellamy and Clarke looked surprisingly calm in their conversation, maybe because Jackson was with them so they couldn’t start badgering each other like they did most of the time. 

Bellamy was a champ and had confiscated the chair next to Jackson to pile some jackets on, but when Miller approached, the jackets were quickly moved elsewhere and Miller smiled at Jackson as he sat down next to him. Scant minutes after that, Clarke and Bellamy went with some of the others to the pool tables, Bellamy telling him to have the rest of his beer as he was getting a new one. A champ indeed, that Bellamy Blake.

Jackson laughed awkwardly, “Subtle, those two.”

Miller lifted one side of his mouth up in a brief smirk, “Yet they can’t seem to get themselves together.”

“Yeah, I’m not imagining that, am I?” Jackson asked, leaning his elbows on the table and shifting just a little bit closer to Miller. “I’ve known Clarke a long time, I’d like to think we can talk about most things. Yet for some reason, she never mentions Bellamy.”

“She’s all he ever talks about.” Miller confided.

Jackson just smiled softly, eyes heavy on Miller’s face. “You known him long?”

“Three years, give or take. Met on the job. But I guess he’s my best friend.” Miller shook his head, “Been through some shit together.” He didn’t want to mention how they’d both been turned away from the police academy because of crap in their teenage years. 

“That’s nice, working with your best friend.” 

“Yeah. You seem pretty close with Dr. Griffin. The older.”

“She’s my mentor, more or less. Our paths met when I was still in med school, she was the best teacher I ever had, and I must’ve done something right, because she took me under her wings and let me work on some of her research projects. Getting to work with her again at Arkadia is great.” Jackson explained. “Even if I’m not involved in any research right now.”

“Is that how you know Clarke too?” Miller asked. 

Jackson ended up telling him how he’d been close to the Griffins for years, had spent a couple of summers lodging at their house as he’d worked with Abby between semesters, had even celebrated some holidays with them as he was an only child with two deceased parents.

“That’s tough. My mom passed away when I was little, but I still got my dad, you know?” Miller said.

“Yeah. It was a rough for a long while.” Jackson said, something dismissive in his voice, like he didn’t want to remain on the subject for long. “I stayed with my grandmother until college, then she passed away too when I was 20. Abby says that’s why I come across older than I really am, but I don’t know that I do.”

“How old are you?” Miller asked.

Jackson laughed a little, “29. How old did you think I was?”

“I guess around there, I hadn’t really thought about it. I’m 25, in case you were wondering.” Miller was pleased to hear Jackson wasn’t that much older than him, and wondered what it would be like to be in a relationship with an older man. 

“Well, I had thought about that.” Jackson said, pitching his voice lower. 

Miller felt that spark flash through him again, the one he felt when Jackson did something that could be construed as flirting. He raised a quick eyebrow at the other man, who replied with a headshake and a small grin. Miller wondered how many things they could tell each other just from facial gestures, it sure felt like Jackson liked non-verbal communication just as much as Miller did.

A loud cheer erupted at one of the pool tables, Raven strutting around like a peacock in front of Murphy. Miller laughed at it, forgetting about their conversation for a moment. He reached for his beer, downing what was left of it. “Another?”

“Yeah.” Jackson agreed. 

They both went to the bar, pressed close together even though there was no real need for it. Once they’d been served, they joined the people huddled around the pool tables, watching Raven take on Clarke. Bellamy was giving Clarke ‘helpful’ advice, which had Miller and Jackson share some amused looks. They found a bar table to put their drinks on, and continued talking loud enough to hear each other over the increasing volume of the place, but keeping their bodies angled in such a way that it was clear they wanted to be left alone. Miller had to believe Jackson wanted this too, that it wasn’t a coincidence he had stayed by Miller’s side and not initiated real conversation with anyone else in the time he’d been there. 

“Really, you can afford a place on Polis Street?” Miller asked after Jackson had told him where he lived.

“Yeah,” Jackson finally seemed more than a little uncomfortable for the first time since Miller had met him. “My parents had life insurance, so. It wasn’t that big, but my grandmother was an insurance banker and made some investments that I would’ve never known to do. There’s not a lot left, but it’s helped me along.”

“Oh, sorry. Didn’t mean to bring that back up.”

“It’s fine.” Jackson lightly pushed his shoulder into Miller’s, “Where do you live?”

“Down Clearing’s Way. I’ve been thinking about moving though, it’s a bit big now that I’m on my own.”

“You had a roomie?”

Miller grimaced, “Boyfriend, actually. Uh, but that’s over now. Since a while back.”

“Oh. Uhm, were you together long?”

“Three years.” Miller said, not knowing whether to spill more about his former relationship, or quickly move away from the subject. “We grew apart, more or less.”

“You miss him?”

Miller was pretty sure he wasn’t supposed to encourage this line of questioning, but he answered truthfully, “I did. But I realized I hardly think about him now. I’d probably say I’m over him, but I’m not sure just yet.”

Jackson took a sip of his beer, “It’s hard at first, knowing if you’re really over a guy, or if you’re just convincing yourself of it.”

“Yeah.”

“In med school, I had a boyfriend, Luke. We broke up right before finals, and I told myself I was cool with it. A couple of weeks later, when finals were over and I got something resembling a break from studies, I was hit with this pang of missing him, wanting to be with him. It must’ve happened to him too, ‘cos we hooked up for like a month straight, saying it was just sex with ex.”

Miller laughed, because it was a little funny, even if he didn’t want to know about the people Jackson had slept with previously.

Jackson laughed too, “Yeah, even med students are idiots in college.”

“I wouldn’t know.” Miller said, but thankfully he didn’t sound bitter, and Jackson just gave him another one of those looks like he could tell what Miller was thinking.

They only needed to finish off their drinks, and agree on a flimsy excuse of looking at the retro movie posters near the toilets, before Jackson had Miller boxed in against the wall, kissing him slow and steady. Jackson was the one who kissed Miller first, the one that guided Miller towards the wall. But it was Miller that put his hands on Jackson’s hips, the one that whispered for Jackson to kiss him again. 

Miller felt a warmth radiating from Jackson’s body, something almost heady with every inhalation of air. Jackson finally moved things along by placing his hands on Miller’s neck instead of the wall. Miller slid his hands around the other man’s waist, pulling him closer. 

“Hey.” Jackson smiled faintly, resting his forehead against Miller’s temple. “Is everyone gonna think I make out with whatever handsome face is in front of me at work parties now?”

Miller let his hands stroke the small of Jackson’s back, “Probably, but I’m the only handsome face working at Arkadia so it should be okay.”

Jackson’s laughter was a little higher than usual, his breath a warm puff against Miller’s cheek. “Not true, I work there too.”

“A very good point.” Miller noted, tilting his head up to press sticky lips against Jackson’s stubble.

Jackson moaned under his breath, relaxing against the younger man. His hands moved across Miller’s sides, apparently having grown tired of being a respectful gentleman. Miller encouraged it, growing bolder with his own touches. But most importantly, Miller licked across Jackson’s lower lip, and felt a thrill rush through him as Jackson opened up to him. Jackson’s mouth was wet and warm, and he sucked on Miller’s tongue like he was hungry for it, like all he’d wanted to do all night was get Miller worked up and ready to go. 

Unable to stop himself, Miller pushed against Jackson’s groin, a groan breaking out as he felt Jackson push back. The kiss turned just a tad sloppier, their groping just a little harder. 

A wolf-whistle broke through the din of the bar, Miller recognizing somewhere in the back of his mind that it was probably Bellamy, signaling him to be a little more aware of the surroundings. Miller reluctantly pulled his head back, but let his body press up against Jackson. He hesitated, sending a hopefully nonchalant look at the other man. 

Jackson let out a nervous laugh, “They’re really gonna think I hook up with anyone, right?”

Miller had one hand on Jackson’s neck, and he rubbed his thumb back and forth, taking pride in Jackson’s flushed state. He was probably equally flushed, though his skin didn’t betray him quite the same. 

“Are you doing the strong, silent type-thing now?” Jackson asked when Miller didn’t respond, and with a little sigh he moved in for another kiss, making Miller note that strong and silent was apparently Jackson’s type. Jackson pulled away before the kiss became anything more than a brief touch, “Okay, no, but really, unless we wanna give them a real show, we should stop now.”

“Or continue it elsewhere.” Miller suggested, hoping he wasn’t going too far. He really, really wanted to keep kissing and touching Jackson, preferably with less clothes, but he was okay with backing off too.

Jackson raised an eyebrow, lips quirked in a smirk. He looked Miller up and down, slow and deliberate. “Oh really?”

Miller rolled his eyes, taking Jackson’s hand, “Come on, let’s go.”

They suffered through whistling and hollering when they passed their friends, both of them slapping on proud smirks for the others, but exchanging embarrassed little looks with each other. Miller gave a nod to Bellamy as he put on his coat, and waited for Jackson to do something intricate with his scarf before taking his hand again and leading him outside. 

“Cab?” Miller asked, “I mean, if you wanted to uh…”

Jackson caught Miller’s eye, and reached a hand out to hail a cab. Miller fucking loved their non-verbal communication. 

**

Jackson’s place was surprisingly messy. Jackson seemed like such a well put-together man, his hair and beard styled even if scruffy looking, his civilian clothes always clean and his scrubs never wrinkled. He had a professional smile and an affable manner, polite in all his interactions with patients and their relatives. It made no sense that he had books and magazines thrown all over, socks strewn across nearly every piece of furniture, unopened mail in a heap in the kitchen and random groceries out on the counters instead of put away in the cupboards. 

His bed was unmade and on their way to it, Jackson kicked away a number of electrical cords, and managed to pull down a string of lights attached to one of them. He pulled away from Miller for a second, looked at the lights and wrinkled his nose for a brief moment, before knocking Miller down on the bed. 

Miller genuinely didn’t care about any of it, not when Jackson was sucking him off, loudly and happily. They’d barely gotten out of their clothes, Miller still had his socks and undershirt on, while Jackson had just undone his fly so he could rub his own dick while sucking on Miller’s. It was hot, the need and eagerness that propelled their touches into fucking, a frenzied desire driving their hands and mouths to give and take. Miller hated that it reminded him that it hadn’t been like that with Bryan in a long while. They’d had sex until the very end, but it had been bland, unsurprising, time efficient. Jackson was lapping at Miller’s leaking head when it hit Miller that this was his first time with someone other than Bryan in nearly four years. It sent a mix of emotions rushing through him, and for a minute he had to fight to focus on Jackson’s wet mouth and persistent tongue, on the warm hands caressing the inside of his thighs. 

When Jackson pulled off, rolling over, Miller snapped to attention, “What happened, did I do something?” Maybe Jackson had noticed that he’d been distracted. 

Jackson was fighting with his jeans to get them off, “No, just wanna get naked so you can fuck me.”

“Oh.” Miller’s dick twitched. He reached down to take his socks off, watching Jackson more or less tumble out of his clothes, rolling around on the bed in a way that made Miller a little worried. “How drunk are you?”

Jackson laughed, finally getting rid of his briefs and naked as the day he was born. “I’ve been told I’m uncoordinated in these situations.” He shifted until he was on his stomach next to Miller, one hand on Miller’s bicep. “You okay?” He pressed a kiss to Miller’s arm, keeping eye contact. “We don’t have to–” 

“Oh no, we’re gonna fuck.” Miller turned over on his side, “You got stuff?”

With a grin, Jackson reached for his nightstand, rummaging around long enough that Miller started laughing, lightly slapping Jackson’s ass. Jackson just gave him a playful wink and exaggeratedly bucked his ass up and down on the mattress, which only meant it took him longer to find the condoms. 

“Come on, man, I was getting a nice blowjob here.” Miller mock-complained, pulling on Jackson’s arm. Thankfully, Jackson found both condoms and lube and came willingly, dropping the items on the bed. They met in a kiss that was sweet for a second before that eager desire of exploration came back and their lips found collarbones to suck on, their hands caressing warm skin finally revealed in the dark of Jackson’s room.

It wasn’t the well-oiled machine it had been with Bryan, their inexperience with each other showing in the hisses of discomfort when one of them used too much nails, or the insistent guiding of hands away from certain areas. But it was fun, both of them apologizing for unwanted touches with kisses and sweet words muttered into the dim lighting of the room. 

Jackson put the lube in Miller’s hand, telling him to get to it. They’d been rubbing their dicks together for a good few minutes when Jackson obviously wanted to step things up, and Miller was glad for the pointed hint, as he’d always found it hard to know when his partner was ready. Opening Jackson up was the best part of the night, the other man responsive in the flex of his body, grunts and moans breathed down into the mattress. The way his opening clenched around Miller’s fingers, the way his hips moved back like he was desperate for more, made Miller’s dick start to leak again, and it made him want to do this again so he could eat Jackson out, maybe get him to return the favor.

Sliding in was nothing short of heavenly, a warm, dirty pressure swallowing his dick. He was on his knees behind Jackson, the other man on all fours, knees wide apart. It was awkward too, working his way inside, his dick falling out a few times before he could get a rhythm going. But Jackson’s body accepting him was exhilarating, and the way Jackson kept telling him to give him more, to fuck him deeper, made all thoughts of anything but the two of them disappear. 

He fucked Jackson harder than was his usual fare, hips moving faster than normal. His hands were gripping Jackson’s sides, holding on as Jackson moved with him, groaning with every thrust. Miller lost himself in the unsteady rhythm of his stuttering hips, and in the sloppy sounds of their bodies meeting. It was freeing to only care about Jackson’s sweaty skin under his hands, about the burning need in his stomach, to know that in that moment, he didn’t have to care about anything outside of this room. All that mattered was him and Jackson. 

Miller came with a hard shove deep inside Jackson, plastered against Jackson’s back. Jackson was turned around somehow, his shoulder near Miller’s mouth, making it easy for Miller to kiss the skin as he caught his breath. He was peripherally aware of Jackson jacking himself, following the motion with tired eyes. He let his hands wander across Jackson’s chest and arms, telling him how hot he looked and how badly he wanted his cum on him. 

He was surprised when Jackson leaned down for a kiss, but he wasn’t surprised that Jackson was sucking on his neck as he came, spurting over Miller’s thigh and stomach. It had been kind of obvious from the start of the night that Jackson had a thing for Miller’s sad excuse for a beard. 

**

Afterwards it hit Miller again, and this time much harder. He’d had sex with someone other than Bryan. He shouldn’t be feeling guilty, they’d been over for months now, but he couldn’t help it, nor the shadow of regret and sadness that fell over him. Sex with Jackson had been good, for a first time. If they did it again, they’d probably get better, get to know each other’s turn ons and turn offs. Miller wanted to do it again, hoped that Jackson felt the same. They’d been getting friendly for a while now, kept seeking each other out and tonight had felt only natural. 

Miller started to wonder if Jackson had been so eager to fall into bed with him because he knew Miller was up for it, or because he truly liked Miller. Jackson was new in town, maybe he hadn’t had time to find someone to hook up with, too busy with work. _Fuck, work._ Jackson had long hours and demanding superiors, not to mention his patients. He didn’t have time for a relationship. He must’ve picked Miller because they knew and liked each other, and it would be easy to fuck around with someone that close. Miller had mostly seen disasters when it came to dating at work, but maybe this was what Jackson did. 

One part of Miller wanted his mind to stop spinning with stupid ideas, to just relax and take comfort in the heat radiating off of Jackson’s body where he was dead to the world, light snores cutting through the stillness. What was he thinking, hooking up with someone from work, and that snored to boot?Miller always woke up from unexpected noises, that’s why he and Bryan had always had the windows closed, even in the sweltering summer. Jackson’s window was open. 

Miller sat up, hitching his knees up. What if Jackson wanted a relationship, was he ready for that? A car outside honked, for whatever stupid reason there was at one in the morning. Miller glanced over at Jackson. He’d probably go bald in the near future, Miller could see where his hair was thinning. Bryan had had flowy, silky hair.

Kicking himself for being an idiot, Miller got out of bed and grabbed his clothes. He was gone from the apartment in minutes.

**

_ From Jackson: Hey, we cool? _

_ To Jackson: Yeah, sorry, got called in to cover. _

_ From Jackson: Too bad : (  _

_ To Jackson: Tell me abt it : ( _

Miller was still kicking himself the next day. He hadn’t been called in, he had the whole weekend off, and so did Jackson, and they could’ve been fucking like bunnies right in that instant. Why the fuck was he acting like this? 

**

Monday morning dawned with rain and heavy winds. It was only fitting, since Miller was undoubtedly going to have to face his stupid decisions from last week. He shouldn’t have hooked up with Jackson quite so publicly, and he shouldn’t have left Jackson’s place. He should’ve ignored his stupid doubts, should’ve had to guts to actually talk to Jackson so that they knew what the other expected from the other. 

He should’ve done a lot of things, including taking a hoodie or a beanie, or even a fucking umbrella, so he wouldn’t be soaked on his way from the car to the hospital building. 

“They’ve been talking about this rain all weekend.” Bellamy pointed out as they stowed their stuff away in the security guards’ changing room. “Only you could miss that. Too busy with Jackson?”

Miller grunted, “Weather forecasts are stupid.” 

Bellamy laughed, “Went that well, huh?”

“Fuck off.” Miller slammed his locker shut, and headed out the door, ignoring Bellamy’s surprised response.

He’d ignored his phone and social media for most of the weekend, and now he kind of wished he hadn’t. Now he’d have to come up with some way to tell people that ‘yeah, sex may have been had, but please don’t ever mention it as I’ve no clue if it’ll happen again ‘cos I’m an idiot’, and make them leave him alone, in person. He’d also most likely have to see Jackson, and he still had no clue how to explain his disappearing act and then not replying to any of his other texts after those first ones. 

“You okay?” Bellamy asked when he came up to Miller before they were set to take off on their different routes around the hospital. 

“Yeah, just…” Miller shrugged, hoping to give off a ‘case of the Mondays’-vibe. 

Bellamy looked concerned, but Miller managed to wave him off with a promise of lunch together. 

It was a pretty quiet morning at first, the most action being holding doors open, and helping an old lady find her way back to her room. He met Clarke and Raven, the two of them perhaps less friendly than usual but they could both get like that when they were working on a project. His dad reminded him about vacation requests in preparation for the summer and Dr. Kane gave him a courteous nod. 

As always, it was in the E.R. that shit popped off. He saw Jackson the same second the other man saw him, which Miller could tell from the way they both looked surprised and quickly glanced away. Knowing that he’d been spotted, he didn’t see the point in acting aloof or like an ass, and strode over to where Jackson was finishing up with a patient, a little girl who must’ve hurt her wrist somehow. Miller had been obvious about making his way over there, and met Jackson’s eyes a few times, so he knew Jackson was aware of him, yet the doctor lingered with his patient. Miller stood off to the side as he waited for Jackson to finish up. 

“So you’re gonna listen to your mother better from now on, right?”

“Yes, Mr. Doctor.” The girl smiled up at Jackson. 

Jackson laughed lightly, “Sounds good. Mothers know what they’re talking about, and you wanna be careful so you can get back on the ice, huh? Bet you’re awesome out there.”

“I’m the best right wing on the team!”

Miller scanned around the room, absently taking in the two empty cots, the old lady asleep in curtain three, the middle-aged man on his phone in curtain five. It was a slow day for sure, the nurses and doctors mostly huddled up around the entry desk, two nurses re-stocking the open shelves with towels and sterile gloves. He turned his attention back to Jackson and the girl, now talking about their favorite hockey players. It was cute, seeing Jackson interact with his patient. It was also infuriating, because Miller had spent all weekend going crazy at his own poor decision-making skills and now that he was ready to address the problem, Jackson was seemingly willingly letting him suffer. 

_ Oh, _ Miller realized, _Jackson might be mad. Fuck._

Miller must’ve made some physical reaction, because Jackson looked up at him and took pity. 

“Okay, Taylor, I’ve gotta go, but you keep that bandage on your wrist and you’ll be back to slapshots before you know it.” Jackson fistbumped Taylor and shared a wide smile with her, before nodding at Miller with a decidedly smaller smile. He headed towards the break room, and Miller followed, knowing something bad was coming. 

Jackson was as nice as ever, holding the door open for Miller. There was no one inside, probably because there were no masses of patients to hide from. 

“Why’d you lie about having to work?” Jackson asked the second the door was shut behind them. 

Miller opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He was surprised to find himself shocked that Jackson was pissed. It was easy to see with his arms crossed and the angry set of his jaw. He was staring at Miller, clearly expecting an answer. So much for non-verbal communication.

“I know you weren’t called in, ‘cos Clarke worked all weekend and she said she hadn’t seen you, and I’ve been around enough to know a shit excuse when I hear one, so I actually double checked with Harper just to give you the benefit of the doubt. But nope, no shift changes for the security staff this weekend. Ergo, shit excuse to bail.”

“It wasn’t,” Miller began, hands uncertain in the air, “I mean, I didn’t mean to lie, that was stupid, I’m sorry.”

“Uh-huh. What did you mean to do?”

“I just needed, to like, leave.” Miller said, knowing he’d fucked up the second Jackson’s face shuttered closed.

“Wow.” Jackson said under his breath. “I actually thought you were a good guy.”

“No, wait–” Miller began, but a loud alarm started ringing and the two of them jumped into action, racing out through the door. Someone called out that a fight had broken out in the ICU’s waiting room and Miller tore down the hall and up the stairs, careening into the small throng of people who seemed to be dealing out blows haphazardly.

**

At lunch two hours later, where Miller was sporting a bruise on his cheek, and Bellamy had a busted lip, Bellamy finally asked what he must’ve been dying to ask since that morning.

“What happened with you and Jackson? ‘Cos you were rounding second base on Friday and I saw you leave together, but now I heard Jackson’s pissed at you?”

Miller buried his face in his hands, “Hoooow,” he whined, “how does that make it ‘round the hospital? I haven’t told anyone. Has he told someone? I didn’t even know he was pissed ‘til a while ago!”

“Everyone’s been waiting on you two getting together since he started working here.” Bellamy pointed out. “It’s not like you’ve been subtle with checking each other out.”

Miller groaned helplessly into his palms. 

Bellamy ignored him, like he far too often did, “Apparently he talked to Clarke and Harper about you earlier and, well, those girls are smart, man. They put two and two together and concluded that you’d fucked up, seeing as he had no interest in gossiping about your dick size.”

“Oh God.” Miller shuffled down in his seat. 

“I’m sure it’s not that small.” Bellamy said cheerfully.

“Nine inches, baby.” Miller muttered, straightening himself up. “I fucked up. We went to his place, and I freaked out.”

Bellamy put down his fork, giving his friend his full attention, “Like… in a bad way? Uh, about sex?”

“What? No.” Miller said, “That was good, trust me.”

Bellamy held out his fist and Miller had to bump it, the two of them sharing a small laugh. 

“It was later,” Miller continued, “I freaked out, starting thinking about Bryan, and about what it meant, what Jackson wanted… It was a mess.”

“I thought you were over Bryan?” 

“I am, like I miss him and stuff, but I’m not in love with him. It’s just… It’s complicated, I guess.”

Bellamy grabbed his burger again, “Well, I know you’re gonna hate this, but you should talk to Jackson. And also you should know that he told Clarke weeks ago that he was just waiting for the right moment to ask you out.”

Miller groaned again, “Why would you tell me that?”

“Guess I just like seeing you suffer.” Bellamy said, happily biting in to his lunch.  
  
** 

An incident like the one in the ICU meant paperwork, and debriefing with his dad, and representatives from the hospital’s legal department in preparation for any lawsuit. Miller had been involved in two lawsuits already, and even though they’d both been tossed out of court, it hadn’t been a fun experience. 

By the time Miller was back in the E.R. for his afternoon rotation, Jackson was gone. 

**

Miller changed his mind five times while driving to Jackson’s place, but he didn’t once turn around, instead arguing with himself to keep driving. He argued quietly, inside his head, and it made him think of how he and Jackson had been talking with just looks and expressions, which made him almost giddy. To be with someone that could be strong and quiet with him was an exciting thought, he’d never really had that before.

He might’ve been a little tipsy when he’d gone home with Jackson a few days earlier but he had no trouble remembering Jackson’s address. He didn’t know whether to be embarrassed or not that Jackson’s doorman recognized him and sent him up with a wink when Miller stated his reason for being there. He didn’t remember a doorman from the previous time he’d been there, but then he’d been a bit occupied as they’d entered the building.

The surprise was clear on Jackson’s face as he opened the door, “Nate? What are you doing here?” 

“Hey,” Miller hoped his smile looked as disarming as he intended, “mind if I come in?”

“Depends…” Jackson said, the rest of the sentiment expressed by his left eyebrow rising up.

Miller rolled his eyes, bumping his elbow into Jackson’s stomach as he passed him, relieved their rapport with each other seemed to be alive despite the hiccup in their friendship. 

“How’s the face?” Jackson asked, leaning on the door after he’d closed it. Apparently Miller was welcome inside but not further than the hallway.

Miller raised his hand but remembered in the nick of time to not touch his cheek, “’S fine, only hurts when I smile.”

“Good thing you don’t smile that much.” Jackson pointed out with a tiny nod of both head and eyebrow.

“Yeah, good thing.” Miller realized then that spending the drive over arguing with himself meant that he had no idea what to say. He decided to jump in because he got the feeling Jackson disliked ‘the game’ just as much as he did. He squared his shoulders and spoke up, “Listen, Eric, I’m sorry. I was an ass, I freaked out, and I’m sorry. I messed up.”

“Wow, first name.”

Miller could only shrug helplessly, he didn’t know what else to say that could convey his point. He met Jackson’s gaze, not backing away. 

“So, uh…” Jackson scratched his neck. “What freaked you out? ‘Cos I thought we were having a good time.”

“We were. I guess I just got caught up thinking about my ex, and how you were the first one I’d been with after him and, yeah.” Miller shrugged again. “Sometimes I think too much. Downside to being the strong, silent type, I guess.”

“Hmm.” Jackson’s eyes narrowed, “So you weren’t ditching me? ‘Cos I gotta be honest, it felt like you didn’t want to be around me anymore. I asked you out the day after and got nothing.”

Miller winced, “Uh, yeah, sorry. I kinda avoided my phone. Part of the, uh, freaking out.”

“So you wanna go out with me?” Jackson asked, like it was no big deal.

Suddenly bold, Miller took a few steps closer, “I’d like that a lot.”

Jackson had had his arms crossed, but he let them hang relaxed by his sides, “Oh really?”

“Yup. In fact, it’s about dinnertime and I wouldn’t mind spending it with you.” Miller moved closer still, until he was only a hand’s length away from the other man. 

Jackson licked his lips, eyes darting down to where Miller’s collar was open, and then back up. “You better be paying.”

Miller leaned in, pressing his lips to Jackson’s. Last time around they’d gone almost instantly to sucking face, too wrapped up in their desire. This was gentler, nicer. It was a sweet kiss, but that didn’t freak him out, maybe it was Jackson’s hands on his waist, or his own hand at Jackson’s neck, but he stayed in the moment and let himself succumb to the languid sensation spreading through him. 

“Hey,” Jackson pressed a light kiss to Miller’s bruised cheek. “I want food. I was promised food.”

“I never promised anything.” Miller said, voice much thicker than he expected. He cleared his throat, “Except, I won’t lie again. That was shitty of me.”

“Yeah, it was. Thank you for apologizing.” Jackson gave him a fond look, but still pulled away. “Let me get my stuff and we can go. There’s a sports bar one block over, I’m sure there’s a hockey game on or something.”

“Sounds good to me.” Miller checked Jackson’s ass out as he walked away. He had plans for that ass, big plans. He wasn’t sure how he managed to get Jackson to forgive him, but he was so glad he did. 

When Jackson came back, phone and wallet in his pockets, Miller was wearing a dopey grin. Jackson gave him a questioning look, but Miller just shook his head. They’d figure out a way to relay ‘I’m really happy you like me’ with their eyebrows later on. Miller couldn’t wait. 


End file.
